This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
