it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
