my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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