Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
