If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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