He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
