Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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