Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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