I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
