I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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