I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
