Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
