once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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