Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were trust falling into bushes
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
