I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Four minutes until I can fart!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
