What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
