Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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