He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
