Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
