you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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