I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This house was built for laser tag.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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