I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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