She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
