I think I am morally bankrupt
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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