I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
