The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
