let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
