In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There's always time for handjobs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
