I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
