Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michael Bay diarrhea
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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