Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
