It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
