listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
