Who did Billy Mays play for?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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