Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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