Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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