my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
