I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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