I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize