Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
