our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
