so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
