I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
