It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I could make wine with my vomit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
