last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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