I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
