I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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