The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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