Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
