im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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