Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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