New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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