Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
