I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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