All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
