so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh god the rape fog is back!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
