If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
