But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
