And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
third nipple confirmed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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