Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
