yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
