I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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