Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
