I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
