why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
