he shaved USA in his pubs
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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