At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
