I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
