I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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