I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
