Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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