woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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