today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
