he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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