You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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