I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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