this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
