So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
