I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
