You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize