just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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