Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
