I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
